Today being New Year’s Day,

January 1, 2016 § Leave a comment

I can’t pass the opportunity to do what I have wished to do for a long time and of course always put off.

If once again I wait till tomorrow there might not be such a propitious date for another 366 days.

First, in preparation, I made a cup of tea, put a couple of Madeleines on a plate, set up my laptop, postponed any other plan such as watching a movie or vacuum the living room, and stopped thinking.

01:01:2016 Tea pot and Madeleines

Essentials

(Now just do it and who cares if it is not perfect!)

I take a deep breath and…

I resume posting on my blog.

As motivation to start anew, I have plans to make a few changes:

A new name for the blog.

The content will have less writing and more pictures or drawings.

And I will share book reviews, links to beautiful or interesting sites, recipes, DIY ideas etc.

Et voilà!

All right! What a great feeling! I just fulfilled my most important New Year’s resolution!

So if you have, like me, the ephemeral urge to make some resolutions today, I suggest you take the one you have put off for too long and make one very small, hardly noticeable by anyone and brief step toward fulfilling it.

And do it right away!

I guaranty you will go to sleep tonight with a tremendous and well deserved sense of accomplishment.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Top of My List

July 5, 2013 § 4 Comments

img010Making lists has always helped me. Not only serving as reminders of things to do but as a way to clear and organize my cluttered mind, especially before falling asleep at night or, when half-awake with my morning tea and paper, I prepare to seize my day.

Being a visual type, I picture the list as a ladder: First I prop it, steady against  the rockface of my day, (sometimes a gentle slope with grassy tufts sparkling with dew, other times a jagged, dark and daunting granite wall heading into the clouds) with each rung ready to be checked off, leading to the top of the hill: a completed list and a sigh of relief . . .

Oh but I wish . . .

Days never happen as planned and The List, standing like the two stones of the Decalogue, becomes a different kind of reminder: where few things, or nothing, has been checked off on time, appearing set on a Sisyphean course.

Still, I love the task of making lists. They are my day’s anchors, points of departure and, when needed, signs of hope . . . it never occurs to me that the task is futile. On the contrary.

So now, this being written down, I am elated and relieved because “posting on my blog” has been on the top of my list, looking at me every morning for too many days.

And tomorrow this “must do” will takes its place again, far back at the end of my list.

Time To Go For My Walk

January 20, 2013 § 1 Comment

About two and a half years ago I decided to go for a walk. On a beautiful late-summer morning I walked for about three miles, a loop that went from my house through various neighborhoods in my town and along a golf course and playing fields. I was alone and it was early morning, so peaceful and quiet. I loved it so much that I decided to do the same walk the next day, again two days later and eventually up to 6 days a week, rain, shine or freezing cold. Always the same loop, rarely the same hour of the day but most often alone.

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It has not been boring even once. I think, look, hear, breathe. I give myself  time to do these basic activities, which I would forget to do when caught up in the fast flow of a normal busy life.

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Along that same path, I have noticed the change of season, not with my calendar or the school schedule, but with the birds’ and insects’ behavior, the plants and wildlife of the pond by the road, and of course the same flowers, bushes and trees I see day after day.

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I have often lost sense of time, deep in my thoughts, either surprised to be back at my house so soon or to have felt out of touch for so long.

I have processed major events and minor annoyances. I have cried without control about my father dying, I have subdued my worries, detangled or loosened complicated knots in the fabric of my family’s dynamics, and breathed through impatience and frustration.

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I have paused and smiled at a beautiful sky, shivered with joy under a brief dowpour in July, wondered about a bird’s call, felt drunk with deep breaths of crystalline arctic air and marveled over the beauty of an old elm, leafless against a white sky.IMG_1040

I have dreamed about traveling, starting a new life after my youngest child leaves the house, or what it will be like to be a grandmother one day. I have fantasized about my kids’ exploits, future successes, amazing feats, even my daughters’ wedding dresses — because I could do so in private with boundless imagination and unlimited possibilities.

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I have daydreamed.

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I have discovered that, for a moment, I can step out of a life where my senses get so overstimulated they become numb, where  my soul is fed only by shallow sensations, into one that fulfills my needs for meaning, wonder, truth, creativity and grace.

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At first I thought it was a luxury to have time for a walk. Then I discovered it’s a necessity to make time for this walk.

Today’s Monologue ( and often other days too)

September 10, 2011 § 2 Comments

( or don’t use bad words like “procrastinate”)

“Brand new day, full of possibilities”  is  the first thought of a hopeless procrastinator like me.

Early, before the morning fog has lifted…

I still have a chance to do what I have been postponing for too many days:  Post on my blog.

But first I will go for my 3 mile “power”walk (silly name for a walk.  For me, the only power is the volume on my ipod), to get a good start.

Now I will have my cup of tea reading the newspaper and since the crossword puzzle seems easy today… I should go.

You can tell a true procrastinator from a poseur when they say ” I will” or” I should” a lot.

Back from my walk, I take a shower which inevitably leads to a load of laundry. And lots of folding.

Mmm, the kitchen counters need a good cleaning and de-cluttering. Plus it’s such a gratifying activity!

Go, GO to your computer now! It’s time to post on your blog. You said you would absolutely do it today!

Just check my email first…and heat up some more water for tea. Tea will help.

Ah! my ebay status: I put some bids on cheap clothing… Also let’s see if I could find something for my daughters since I’m at it.

12 Noon! No wonder I’m hungry!

The contents of the refrigerator are so disappointing ( I always set myself up for this…)

I should (again) make something healthy to eat now, put the dishes away and back in the dishwasher, vacuum a little ( my husband worries that I might be addicted to the noise, can you explain this?),  think about what to make for dinner and write a grocery list.

So hungry! Crackers and cheese and sit in front of your keyboard now!

I love reading the New York Times on line.

Answer my email… log in my blog… go back for more cheese.

Oh! I promised my daughter I would mail her care package today. I’ll get the groceries too then.

Ach! it’s 3:25 now. My son will call any minute to be picked up at practice. Ew! he needs new sneakers! We might as well get them today since I have time.

Back home. I left my laptop open on the kitchen table.

AND… Yess! I see myself posting!

I am posting…and putting a chicken in the oven, drinking more tea, checking the mail, peeling vegetables, caramelizing onions, instructing my son to figure out a ride after the game tonight, while posting a little more.

Multitasking! And I don’t even know it!

3 hours later, finally sitting down for dinner.

I’ll finish my writing afterwards.

All of a sudden 3 hours after dinner, (it’s not funny how evening hours pass so quickly) finishing my writing has become critical. I don’t care what it is. I’ve got to do it.

Finito ! And without further ado ( because if I wait even one second I will allow those mean spirited, evil doers second thoughts that tend to orbit around in the procrastination zone to sneak in and bring the whole thing to a halt) I click on “publish”.

Nice!

NO I should NOT read what I just wrote! Not tonight anyway.

Minneapolis, MN. (this picture is not supposed to have anything to do with the text)

I share this very personal and deep soul searching day with you, my presumed reader(s), as a cathartic and guilt releasing process, ignoring my shame in revealing my secret (but obvious to everyone around) side, hoping you will find solace in knowing that there could be a happy ending to procrastination or,  just simply commiserate.

If ever, god forbid, you should be afflicted by the same impairment of course!

Now I will go to sleep with the great sense of accomplishment that only a seasoned procrastinator can enjoy. One day, who knows, I could even be a motivational speaker!

Tomorrow is a brand new day, full of possibilities… AND it’s Sunday!

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